MHS Peer Mediators Help in Groton

It might take Nicholas Spera four hours to get to the bottom of an argument between teenagers - and then, only to find out that it all started when one said "shut up" to the other on Facebook.

He'd like to avoid this, and more importantly, give students the tools to resolve their differences themselves.

To this end, the principal of the Marine Science Magnet High School of Southeastern Connecticut brought in a peer mediation team from Montville High School to train 12 students at the magnet school about dispute resolution.

At Montville High School, the mediators include the captain of the football team, the cheerleading squad, the color guard and a band member.  School psychologist Debbie Spera, Nicholas Spera's wife, brought the team of students from Montville to the magnet school to give the training.

Carlie Cave, peer mediator from Montville, told the group in Groton that students would rather talk to each other about their problems than an administrator.

"If they can avoid a trip to the office, they'll take it," she said.

Football Captain Isaiah Holloway said he's gotten to know classmates he never would have met outside peer mediation.

"If you guys buy into this," he said, "We really feel that this will work."

Students were chosen by their teachers to take the daylong training, then act as mediators between their classmates when disputes arise.

"I've seen some things on Facebook, like 'he said, she said' kind of deals, boyfriend girlfriend deals," said Lindsay Warner, 15, of Lebanon.  "I think this would be helpful if you don't have to settle it alone."

The process works this way: Students are referred to mediation by a teacher, guidance counselor or other staff member who becomes aware of the dispute. Two mediators then meet with the students, explain the process and ask each student what happened.

Next, they try to understand the cause of the problem, talk about how the students might solve it, and help them find a solution. The parties then sign a written contract outlining how they agreed to resolve the issue. The contract doesn't become part of the students' records, but is destroyed at the end of the school year.

"It allows administration not to get involved," Spera said.

Student mediators are coached to remain neutral and to not interrupt, laugh or ask why.

"It's basically having a friend without an opinion," said Megan Keogh, 14, of Groton. "It's kind of like being able to speak your mind without being judged."

Spera said mediation is appropriate for issues like arguments between boyfriends and girlfriends or a Facebook post that results in glares in the hallway. It is not appropriate for instances of bullying or overt acts of mean behavior, he said.

"Students really control a culture and climate of a school," he said. "This empowers them to control that."