Bullying? 'Not at Our School'

At least two students at Montville High School say that the tragic suicide of a student last January has provided one silver lining – less bullying at the school.

Anne Jeon and Jordan Hartman said the bullying level has diminished since the death of Joseph Mendes, whose family claims that repeated and severe harassment at the school was the root cause of his taking his life.

“It was a transformational event – it kind of brought everybody together,” Jeon said of the suicide, following an after-school workshop Wednesday that aimed to consider ways to further curtail bullying among students.

Whether harassment was the reason Mendes killed himself is a matter of contention. Jose Mendes, Joseph’s father, has filed a notice of intent to sue the town claiming that his son was “verbally, physically, mentally, and emotionally abused” by other students. Montville Police Lt. Leonard Bunnell conducted an investigation, however, that found no evidence of bullying in the case.

Wednesday’s after-school workshop wasn’t in response to the Mendes suicide. A similar anti-bullying event was conducted last year, prior to the suicide, and plans were made then to meet again early this semester to start a discussion of  bullying issues.

About 25 students, teachers and administrators attended the workshop that was headed by school principal Chad Ellis. Its theme, as titled on a large screen, is “Not at Our School.”

Bullying has been in the national spotlight since 1999, when two students killed 13 of their peers and then took their own lives at Columbine High School in Colorado.

Ellis and others said there undoubtedly is bullying at MHS, and said that Montville isn’t alone. He called it a societal problem, and one that school administrators here intend to confront head-on, in partnership with the Montville Youth Services Bureau.

“There’s probably no more here than at other schools,” he said. “Kids have their own perceptions. Some will say that (bullying) is pervasive while others will say that it’s no problem at all.”

Then there’s the matter of whether students realize that “kidding” and “joking around” with other students can constitute bullying and have a profound effect on the receiving end.

“A lot of times it’s kids joking around and (students) don’t realize what they’re doing,” Hartman said.

School psychologist Deborah Spera concurred. “There’s a disconnect,” she said. “Those who are doing the bullying often will tell you they didn’t realize how it made someone else feel.”

Spera has counseled bullies as well as people being harassed. She said having special events, such as a “day of awareness” - one of the ideas discussed Wednesday - can affect attitudes positively. She added that getting student leaders among differing groupings to understand the problem is important because “they can pass the information along to others.”

What causes bullies to do what they do can be low self esteem or peer pressure, among other things, according to Spera. While increasing awareness among the student body is an achievable goal, Spera said, there always will be a small percentage of students who will bully no matter what is done.

At the after-school session, students and teachers broke up into small groups. One was headed by Kellie Brennan, president of the student government council. She told others that it’s important on a daily basis to confront those who are hurting others emotionally, even though they might not realize the pain their words inflict.

“If someone says, ‘That’s so gay,’ tell them that 'I don’t like that word. Please don’t use it.'”

Ellis said single-day events such as those discussed Wednesday are important but not a cure-all. “These are ideas that won’t change the world but will raise awareness,” he said.